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Joke of the Day

"Oh man, I just got back from the most awesome campground orgy. It was in tents."

"I'm going to a medieval wedding and I need some one liners."

"Waiter waiter there's a bee in my soup. Yes Sir it's the fly's day off."

"So what are you doing today?? ""So what are you doing today?"" - ""Nothing."" - ""What the heck, you were doing nothing the whole day yesterday!"" - ""That's right, and I'm not finished yet."""

"I was so drunk last night at the bar. When I walked across the dance floor to get another drink I won the dance competition."

"I had a Crazy Dream Wait for dreams to come up in conversation. I had a crazy dream last night. I drempt I was a muffler... and when i woke up I was exhausted."

"Waiter: If you know the food here is so lousy why do you keep coming back? Customer: It reminds me of my ex-wife's cooking."

"What did the closed can say to the half opened can? YOU'RE BEING UNCANNY!"

"When I lose a follower, I like to pretend they were Taken, then I go to Europe and shoot absolutely everyone."

"Tiger Woods: He puts the semen in product endorsements. And women. I mean he used to. Crap, can I start over? I've almost got this."