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Joke of the Day

"ME: Who do you want to be at my Frozen-themed party? FRIEND: Let me be Olaf or Elsa ME: Ok but never threaten me in an Italian accent again"

"Told my doctor I had a headache. He gave me 2 hollowpoint ""pills"" and a 9mm ""delivery system"" Damn Obama Care."

"Just got a job as a scientist and I fell in love with the periodic table whilst the music was on. It was my chemical romance."

"What is the difference between a dead baby and an orange? [NSFW] I don't fuck an orange after i peel its skin off"

"I just watched a show about burritos spinning in a circle because my television's broken and my microwave's not."

"LOL at the neighbor kids who didn't realize I keep my piranhas in the hot tub."

"I'm surprised 4 isn't an unlucky number. Nothing good ever comes from putting 2 and 2 together."

"What goes up and never comes down? Your age!"

"What did the cold pipe say to the to hot pipe? Nothing,pipes can't talk. Thank you"

"In Soviet Russia Assholes are like Opinions KGB only lets you keep one of them"