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Joke of the Day

"Why do plants hate math? ... Because it gives them square roots"

"my shower curtain grabbing my thigh while I was washing my hair is the most action I've gotten in a long time."

"Do these sweatpants and 5 extra pounds make me look like I'm in a relationship?"

"A Sinking Boat Clinton, Nixon, and Reagan were on a sinking Boat. Reagan: Women & Children go first Nixon: Fuck the Women! Clinton: You think we have time?"

"*In church 9: [Whispers] Why do we have to keep sitting & standing and sitting & standing... Me: [Whispers] So we don't fall asleep 9: oh"

"Bill: Where did you get that gold watch Joe? Joe: I won it in a race. Bill: How many people participated in it? Joe: Three a policeman the owner of the watch and me!!"

"I'm a bad person... (NSFW) Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday."

"What do you call ten rabbits walking backwards? A receding HARE line!"

"A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar r/Jokes mods ban them for having different beliefs than them"

"[running from a knife wielding murderer] oh hell yeah, my Fitbit steps are gonna be OFF THE SCALE today"