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Joke of the Day
"What's the difference in red and purple...? ... How hard you squeeze it."
Next Joke
"Bad Luck Lincoln: Comes back from the dead, faces his fear by seeing a concert In Paris"
"Phones these days are so expensive... If you fall and hear a crack, you hope you broke your leg."
"""Flatulence is not an emotion."" -me explaining feelings to boyfriend"
"Brutally honest? I'm always honest ... I guess the brutality would depend on your level of aversion to the truth"
"Your mom is like Reddit always under a heavy load"
"What do you call scriptures for blind people? The holy braille"
"My wife turns over and accidentally kicks me in the nuts. I gasp. She gasps. Then she raises her arms and yells, ""I WIN! I WIN!"""
"Why can't you fight an accountant ? They'll always out number you!"
"Did you see that? That's the third time she came over here. I think she likes me. ""This is Applebee's and she is our waitress"""