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Joke of the Day

"Women - What is the similarity between women and garbagebags? - You fill them up and toss them out the door!"

"if i don't respond to your text, it's because i fell asleep finding a dumb picture of mos def to send u in lieu of typing ""most definitely"""

"There are two kinds of people in this world... People who can extrapolate on incomplete information...."

"I have a friend who is a Jehovah's Witness. He tried to tell me a knock knock joke and got all pissed off when I ignored him."

"What do priests have in common with my dad's BBQs? They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns."

"*Maybe try dressing up as SpongeBob this Halloween, since you're so self absorbed.* -Me as a therapist"

"What do you call an anti-diuretic wine? Penot More"

"What's smaller than a teenie weenie ant? An ant's teenie weenie!"

"What's a magician's favorite Mexican dish? TosTADA!"

"*Leonardo Dicapreo goes up to accept oscar* *pulls out speech* *blows dust off of it* Yes I'd like to thank the directors of titanic for th-"