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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a super kind man who spends too much time on the beach? A tangent"

"Premature ejaculating searches young woman... Oh.... nevermind"

"Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat."

"So rude of Ashton Kutcher to file divorce papers right before Demi Moore's 150th birthday."

"By the cup of Nescafe even the most secret thoughts turn into words, and by the bottle of vodka into actions."

"They should punish kids who do well in school with more homework to prepare them for what happens to people who are efficient at their jobs."

"I am the Anti-Hammer. You can touch this. Go ahead. Touch it! ANTI-HAMMER TIME!"

"Why did Hitler have a thing for men from Hungary? Because they are Hung Arian's"

"If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I'll be out sick."

"im an exhausting person to be around but once you get to knnow me im actually a giant shithead with irredeemable mouth"