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Joke of the Day

"In 'One Really Long Metal Claw' (the bear version of 'Hook'), what did Captain Onereallylongmetalclaw really hate? Clawcks."

"Why do bees hum They don't know the words"

"What's the best way to sum up the 90's? 90+91+92+93+94+95+96+97+98+99=945"

"My waterslide technique has been described as 'oafish', 'dangerous' and 'how did you get into the penguin enclosure'."

"""You know your addiction is bad when you lie and say you're at the gym when really you're out shopping"" is the title of my autobiography."

"How are marriage and commiting suicide the same? You are really good at it if you have only had to do it once. Edit: Joke idea taken from a /r/showerthoughts post."

"What's the grossest number? 6.9 because it's a 69 with a period in the middle."

"Bumped into an old friend. We were both staring down at our phones. We just kept walking."

"A key difference between keeping a cat & chimp as a pet, is a cat will eat your face off when you die. But chimps lack that kind of patience"

"Why did Arthur have a round table ? So no one could corner him !"