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Joke of the Day

"Half the fun of buying your child a piece-of-shit knock off game system is how mad they get when you refer to it as a ""Playstation""."

Next Joke
 
"A son says to his father... A son says to his father ""Dad, I forget. Am I awesome or fantastic?"" The father replies ""No son, you're autistic."""
"What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast? A synonym roll!"
"""How fast can you hack into the system!?"" ""20-25 minutes."" ""You've got 10 minutes!"" ""Okay, well then I can't."" - real life spy dialogues"
"If you see someone doing a crossword puzzle Whisper in their ear, 7 up is lemonade."
"[At bar] Me: As a joke, I'm gonna pee my pants Wife: Seriously? You're a married man now M: Right...sorry. I'm gonna pee ""our"" pants #BT140"
"In the street today, an unattractive woman asked for my number, so I gave her a fake. Still feel a bit guilty, as I'd just totaled her car."
"Me: Real women don't care about romantic cliches. My internal voice: Please buy me flowers, please buy me flowers, please buy me flowers."
"Why did Hellen Kellar burn her ear? The phone rang and she answered the iron. Why did she burn her other ear? They called back."
"I see dead people. No wait, I take that back. I see people I want dead."