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Joke of the Day

"The first rule of laziness is"

"So my girlfriend called me a pedophile the other day... And I said that's a big word for a 5 year old."

"A father walks in on his daughter masturbating with a carrot and shouts for fuck sake i was going to eat that later now it's going to taste of carrot!"

"I dropped my phone when my friend accidently bumped my arm. It didn't break but for a moment I saw her whole life flash in front of my eyes."

"Damn Shakira is doing Activia commercials too now. With all that belly dancing, you'd think she'd be able to shit. Who knew."

"more celebrities should donate blood like could you imagine having the blood of Beyonce running through your veins"

"""I'm not racist, but,"" -Racists"

"I haven't seen Democrats this upset with a Republican since... A Republican took the Democrats' slaves away"

"If God were a guitar chord, what would he be? Gsus"

"I'm not allowed at the gym anymore because I dropped my chili dog on the treadmill"