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Joke of the Day

"I once played chess with an Egyptian King... ...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh."

"HITMAN: Who's the target? ME: [slides photo across table] HITMAN: You..want me to kill Shrek? ME: Not Shrek [taps photo] his talkative horse"

"I can take two pieces of rope eat them wait an hour then shit them out tied together.... I shit you knot... ha shit you knot"

"LISTEN,,, Every pizza can be a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself."

"""That was supposed to be a compliment."" -Men"

"What is a moo hoo for steak that came late? Filet delay!"

"You'd think that people who kept their head warm would tend to be healthier... but as it turns out, people who wear turbans are actually more likely to be Sikh"

"Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don't want to look at you."

"Unemployment gives you time to follow your true passion: Worrying about money."

"Burger King needs a new slogan. Something like ""we clean our bathrooms now."""