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Joke of the Day
"Trail mix? You mean M&M's with obstacles."
Next Joke
"Lindsay Lohan was released from jail early this morning and in related news, I still don't give a shit about her."
"What do you call a Hispanic midget? Paragraph. Because he's not even a full ese."
"Me, to all my kids before the age of 2. ""No screens allowed."" On their 2nd birthday, handing over iPad. ""This is your mother now."""
"What it all boils down to is evaporation."
"American Horror Story The Rise of Donald Trump."
"If I had a dollar for every time a woman find me attractive... I'd have a dollar, thanks mom"
"Tell me Jeeves, are lemons tweeting? -No,sir. -Well, it seems I squeezed the canary in my tea again."
"What is the softest part of a wheel chair? The vegtable sitting in it"
"[1st Date] Her: I've had a hysterectomy Him: I've had a vasectomy Her: Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Him: You gonna eat those fries?"