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Joke of the Day

"Lindsay Lohan was released from jail early this morning and in related news, I still don't give a shit about her."

"True intimacy is chatting within a shared Google Doc"

"A guy told me this one in class today.... What do you call 2 White Russians and a Jager bomb? A Boston Marathon."

"I've just spoke with a woman who said she met me at a vegetarian club last week I could have sworn I've never met herbivore"

"What did Caesar say when he ran into his friend at a music lesson? ""Etude, Brute?"""

"Knock...Knock... Who's there? Interrupting cat... Int(meow)err(meow)upt(meow)ing(meow)(meow)c(meow)at(meow)who? Meow..."

"*Jesus comes into the house* Judas: Jesus, close the door! Were you born in a barn? *room gets super quiet* Judas: Uh right. I forgot. Sorry"

"What do you get from an invisible cow? Evaporated milk!"

"If you have a bee in your hand what do you have in your eye? Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

"[hat shop] OWNER: Sir stop or I'll call the police UNICORN: [surrounded by damaged hats] No one will believe you"