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Joke of the Day

"Missing area man described as boringly conventional, was easily found by multiplying height x width."

"Why do stoners carry lighters everywhere? Because they don't have legs to walk, man."

"Since we're still doing Pirate Jokes... What's the Pirates favorite letter? Ya think it be the Arrrr, but it's really the C."

"What's the best way to get your guitar player to turn down the volume? Give him the sheet music."

"Me: The new guy's a lumberjack? Boss: Yep Me: He seems nice... Boss: STOP Me: I'll bet he's good at... Boss: DONT Me: random axe of kindness"

"Don't you love the tan lines that girls get after sunbathing? It's almost like God came down and highlighted all the important parts."

"What's the difference between American and Muslim teenage girls? It's illegal to fuck American girls when they're 12."

"I have sex with my girlfriend and her twin. How do I tell them apart? Her brother has a moustache."

"Happy imagery of the day: A mouse dressed as a pirate sits on your shoulder while you work and pretends to steer you holding a potato-chip."

"What is a pirate's favorite pokemon? Arrrriados"