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Joke of the Day

"I have sex with my girlfriend and her twin. How do I tell them apart? Her brother has a moustache."

"Did you hear about the guy who had a really short temper because of his botched sex change? He was always going around half-cocked."

"There's an Anti-Parallelogram Party tonight. Be there, or be square."

"I farted today and 4 people turned around.. I felt like I was on The Voice."

"What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo ? One is really heavy........ The others a little lighter."

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Safari Barbie ...with rifle pith helmet and pygmy guide"

"Why doesn't smokey the bear have a wife? Anytime she gets hot, he beats her with a shovel."

"*cop pulls me over* Have you been drinking? No I- *water bottle now full of wine* *officer lowers shades. its Jesus* No one will believe you"

"By now, I've stopped calling it ""sandwich"" meat and started calling it ""stand in front of the fridge and eat it out of the baggie"" meat."

"[I time travel and bring back Shakespeare] SHAKESPEARE: What's this? ME: That's a meme SHAKESPEARE: What the hell is wrong with you people"