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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend stopped being my toaster strudel today... Now that she's on birth control, she became my twinkie!"

"""Find something you love to do and you'll never work another day in your life."" Because you'll be home masturbating all the damned time."

"What's the difference between rape and extortion? How you spell blackmail"

"Came up with this joke this morning in the shower. I took a tour of a prison for poets, at the end the warden asked what I thought of it. I said it has its prose and cons."

"What do you call it when a gay couple has a heated argument and one of them stabs another with a knife? *a homocide.*"

"Whenever someone says ""let's get weird"" my first thought is ""I'm already there"""

"I'll never forget my 8th grade teacher. She was a 12-foot snake monster. Had 4 heads. Ate 7 desks. Killed a kid. Really made an impression."

"Why can't Vader find a steady relationship? He keeps looking for love in Alderaan places"

"Why pink camo? Do people hunt barbie jeeps or try to sneak up on pepto bismol?"

"[Speaking at funeral] We made it guys it's Friday"