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Joke of the Day

"What is a pessimists blood type? B-negative."

"I have the body of a 20 year old model... Unfortunately it won't fit in my freezer."

"Just went to the mens room & came out to an empty office. Either the building is on fire or there is cake in the break room. Win/win"

"Mickey Rourke needs to get beaten up at the beginning of every movie he's in so it explains his face."

"Guess what? Chicken butt"

"A cop was outside my house talking to some people and my first thought was ""yesss"" because I'm nosey."

"Life with me is like a box of chocolates. You never know when you're going to get the crazy one filled with arsenic."

"Waking up to a ""fcuk you"" text message instead of a ""good morning"" one is surprisingly not that bad."

"We saw a sign yesterday that said... No wonder your muffler is tired. It's EXHAUSTED !!!"

"Whenever I think of a funny status I always get a pen and write it down so I can use it later, and if the pen is too far away I just convince myself that it wasn't that funny anyway."