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Joke of the Day

"What is a pessimists blood type? B-negative."

"college is a lot like kindergarten except instead of going to school im smoking weed in my dorm at 1 pm"

"im trying to to see from your point of view, but i cant get my head that far up my ass"

"Jealous that secret agents can get out of any phone conversation at any time by saying ""it's not safe to talk on the phone right now"""

"A dying man looks up into his wife's eyes and says, ""Honey, before I go I have something I need to tell you."" To which she replies, ""I already know, dear. That's why I poisoned you."""

"It's a shame that the Woman in Pakistan got stoned... ...but Jihad it coming."

"What do vegan zombies eat? GRAAAAAIIINNNNSS!!! :D"

"Shout out to the ampersand for always being willing to stand in the gap & help make our tweets complete by giving back those extra two lette"

"Who are the most homo-erotic pop group at Hogwarts? Wand Erection. EDIT: If you don't get it, try saying it aloud."

"I tried using self deprecating humor But I'm not any good at it."