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Joke of the Day

"SCIENTIST: Behold The self-esteem powered car! Come take it for a drive ME: uh okay *gets in* [CAR JUST LITERALLY FALLS APART]"

"The guy who stole my personal journal has died... My thoughts are with his family."

"What do a burnt pizza, frozen beer, and a pregnant girl have in common? Someone didn't pull it out in time."

"What's worse than a chick telling you she only thinks of you as a friend? When she says she thinks of you like a brother."

"This morning I was beaten by a woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, ""Would you please press one?"" I don't remember much after that."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Brian ! Brian who ? Brian drain !"

"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate... And I can picture us invading that world because they'd never see it coming."

"Why doesn't Iowa have a professional football team? So that Minnesota does not get jealous."

"Last night, I woke up to the ghost of Gloria Gaynor in my room. At first I was afraid, I was petrified..."

"Why did the Cold War never happen? Because Joseph was Stalin."