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Joke of the Day

"SCIENTIST: Behold The self-esteem powered car! Come take it for a drive ME: uh okay *gets in* [CAR JUST LITERALLY FALLS APART]"

"Make sure to change out the condom in your wallet once in a while...so your wallet doesn't think you're a loser."

"What did the priest say when watering his garden? Let us spray."

"Me: This is the year I'm going to save money. Also me: *googles, ""how to purchase a baby elephant?""*"

"What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam"

"Did you know that a person born under caesarean section is not eligble to run for presidency? Yeah, they're not a natural-born citizen."

"Have you seen the new movie Constipated? It hasn't come out yet"

"""You're what you eat"" So when will your mum become me?"

"A Three legged dog walks into the old wild west saloon He says to the bartender, ""I'm lookin' fer the guy who shot my paw."""

"What do Winnie the Pooh and Jack the Ripper have in common? Their middle name."