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Joke of the Day

"How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb? Well it depends on what you mean by change."

"If Sesame Street were real, and I went there, and I saw those things, I would shit my pants."

"The average family income has gone up 2% while the cost of living has increased 23%. - Me explaining to my son why he can't have a sister."

"What's the most popular song at the new Freddie Mercury night club? Dancing Queen."

"My math teacher from highschool thought she was so smart and intelligent yet when I graduated, she was still in highschool."

"Q: How many retarded Italian gardeners does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One but don't expect results."

"My hairdresser doesn't cut my hair any longer.... He cuts it shorter instead."

"I have a lips."

"The only B word you should be using to describe her is ""Beautiful."" Because bitches love being called ""beautiful."""

"I became a proud dad today My son is actually four but he was a boring little cunt for the first three years."