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Joke of the Day
"Why did the calendar give up on life? Because he felt his days were numbered."
Next Joke
"My body is 99 degrees And the flu might add a few more (I fuckin suck at jokes)"
"I hate Masseuses They're always talking behind my back"
"Why do you never see prostitutes on airplanes? They don't give a flying fuck."
"What is it called when you mix Alcohol and Literature? Tequila Mockingbird. (X-post /r/waterpuns)"
"What do vegetarian zombies eat ? terri schiavo"
"[party in 1939] teen: truth or dare hitler: dare teen: dare you to invade poland hitler: omg no way u guys all the teens: DO IT DO IT"
"(On phone) Him: I just ran a marathon in under four? Me: (eating) months or years?"
"Pizza is like sex If you're going to use barbecue sauce, you need to know what you're doing."
"What does a DrugLord and a TimeLord have in common... They both have two hearts, but one keeps his spare in a cooler."