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Joke of the Day

"I'd tell my neighbor about the weird smell coming from her apartment, but she's been so quiet that I don't want to disturb her."

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"What do you call a person who whores themselves out for spaghetti? A Pastatute"
"Little Drummer Boy: I have no gift to bring, pa rum pum pum pum. Mary: What about that rad drum? Little Drummer Boy: No Mary: Get out"
"I'm applying for a position as a mall cop.... It has good job security."
"If Hillary Clinton and Donald Drumpf are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? America."
"I just got done watching the Lego Movie with my daughter. The premise is so amazing... It makes me wonder why the Mega Blocks movie fell apart."
"Do you ever feel like a tampon? In a good place, but at the wrong time."
"What does Harry Potter say when he wants a cigarette? Tobaccio"
"TV needs to stop putting up those stupid ""viewer discretion"" warnings. My mom is sick of me calling her for clearance."
"I masturbate with soap Just thought I'd come clean"