68512

Joke of the Day

"DONT SIT IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR EXAMINING YOUR FLAWS. QUIT IT. THEY ARENT REALLY THERE. ITS ALL IN YOUR HEAD. BE CONFIDENT IN WHO YOU ARE!!!"

"What religion do mosquitoes follow? Muslim, because they go to a mosque...ito. ^Sorry."

"I get chills down my spine every time I hear the song Stayin' Alive... I don't know, there's something about the Bee Gees that just gives me the heebie jeebies"

"What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute? A prostitute can sell her crack more than once"

"Every day I try to learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice."

"Yeah, but is it Tyrannosauri Rex or Tyrannosaurus Rexes? *The Jehovahs Witness slams my own door in my face"

"My TWILIGHT ZONE plot idea: The sole survivor of the apocalypse finally has time to listen to podcasts but still doesn't feel like it."

"Cowboy: GIVE ME 3 PACKETS OF CONDOMS PLEASE. CASHIER: DO YOU NEED A PAPER BAG WITH THAT SIR? Cowboy: NAH... SHE AIN'T THAT UGLY!! http://imgur.com/2TKdb"

"My girlfriend went to Florida She blew his whistle; It went down for real."

"Why'd the cookie go to the hospital? It was feeling a little crumby."