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Joke of the Day

"Knock, Knock Whose there? 9/11. 9/11 who? You said you'd never forget."

"*Writes ""For a good time call"" on random gas station bathroom wall *adds work phone number *Gets excited about work today"

"""I couldn't love anyone like you,"" I told my wife. ""Aw, thanks,"" she blushed. I'm glad she didn't understand me."

"To get to the other side Why did the time traveler cross the road?"

"Not to brag, but Netflix recommends certain movies just for me."

"A beautiful woman in the cafeteria just gagged while eating her banana... She's now dead to me."

"I believe every child should be given a chance... ...and that's why if they can guess the number I'm thinking of, I'll let them go..."

"What's the difference between a refugee and E.T? E.T learned English and wanted to go home"

"How do you piss off the rich and the poor in two words? Bernie Sanders. Clause: I support the guy."

"You know that schizophrenic hobo that has nonsensical conversations with himself? That's Twitter in real life."