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Joke of the Day

"Him: I think you're my soul mate. Me: I'm so SO sorry for you."

"Maybe leave yourself in a hot car with a window open one inch for 15 minutes while your dog runs into the store"

"I was once called a racist for saying black paint. Apparently the correct term is ""Tyrone, please paint the fence."""

"Why can't Stevie Wonder see his friends? Because he is married."

"Tan lines are like highlighter for your most awesome body parts."

"A modern recasting of Moses floating down a river in a wicker basket but it's a soccer mom forgetting her baby on the roof of her van."

"Bought one of those tennis racket looking bug zappers today. My god, where have you been all my life. What fun! Oooh, here comes the dog...."

"Susan broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine."

"A termite walks into a bar... And asks, ""Is the bar tender here?"""

"Another casualty of 2016... Ronda Rousey's MMA career"