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Joke of the Day

"Back in high school, I had this very bad beard and everyone would make fun of for it... So I had to start using a razor to *shave* face"

"How many donald trumps does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one. He holds it up and the world revolves around him"

"A roman walks into a bar Holds up two fingers and says ""I'll take five beers please!"""

"There was this ancient pagan ritual where they would hit the ground with sticks and shout out. Today we call it golf."

"What do you call five Mexicans drowning at the bottom of their pool? Cinco."

"[Entire house is full of trees] Girlfriend: What did you do?! Me: You told me to spruce things up. GF: Everything's stuck to everything!!!"

"Everyone keeps saying they hate the smell of moth balls But I just keep wondering how they spread those tiny legs apart."

"I'm actually really happy with Trump's presidency so far. He's had the nuclear codes for a couple of days now and hasn't tweeted them yet."

"It's a bird! It's a plane- -OH SHIT A PLANE IS COMING TOWARDS THE BUILDING"

"A ghost walks into a theater and goes to the concession stand But he gets turned away because they don't serve spirits"