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Joke of the Day

"[Entire house is full of trees] Girlfriend: What did you do?! Me: You told me to spruce things up. GF: Everything's stuck to everything!!!"

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? TEN TICKLES!!"

"A great high-intensity workout is maintaining a neutral expression when someone tells you about a cool place to hear electronic music."

"I once overdosed on Viagra. My wife took it really hard."

"What's the difference between an old bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean."

"Wife:Have you seen the bag of dog treats? Me:*flashback of drunk me eating what I thought was a bag of beef jerky.. No? W: Really? Idiot."

"if God exists it's probably a woman no man holds a grudge for this long"

"What do you call a potato shaped like a penis? A dicktater"

"A photon checks into a hotel and is asked ""do you have any luggage, Sir?"" The photon replies ""no, I'm travelling light"""

"Some delivery guy knocked on my door today and said, ""I have a parcel for your next door neighbour."" I replied, ""You've got the wrong house then, haven't you?"""