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Joke of the Day

"i legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I'm in NYC"

"What do you get when a Catholic priest baptizes hay? You get a Christian Bale"

"What are crisp like milk and go 'eek eek eek' when you eat them ? Mice Krispies !"

"A man walks into a bar... His alcohol dependency is tearing his family apart."

"Last night I poured a hot bath, lit candles and turned on the radio. Then I threw them into the bath because I'm a guy and was curious."

"Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was out standing in his field"

"Did you hear about the two peanuts walking in the woods? One was ""a-salted."""

"whenever i see sombody obsessively taking photos of the sunset, i go up to them & whisper ""dont worry.. the sun is gonna come back tomorow"""

"The difference between Christian wives and Jewish wives? Christian wives have fake jewelry and real orgasms."

"I wonder how many kids with dyslexic parents are getting gifts from Satan tomorrow? ZING!"