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Joke of the Day

"I had a big mix up at the store today. Apparently when the clerk said strip down facing me, she was referring to my credit card."

"Taking a cue from politicians, I'm getting thirty normal people to stand behind me every time I say something stupid. (They're here now.)"

"""Everything the light touches is ours,"" I tell my son while opening the fridge."

"The book I'm reading says ""4-6 years"" on the cover, but there's only like 6 words on each page. I'll be finished by the end of the week."

"Somewhere in the world, there's a real Nigerian Prince who wants to share his millions of dollars but can't find a beneficiary."

"My ambition is to be the last man on earth so that I can find out if all those girls were telling the truth."

"Why were all the other vegetables afraid of celery? because celery stalks"

"I never realized how short a month is until I started paying rent"

"I noticed a bank teller having trouble counting coins so i bumped into his desk and knocked some cents into him."

"What's the difference between when you're hungry and when you're horny Where you put the cucumber."