67545

Joke of the Day

"fun prank: go observe the newborns at the hospital & if someone asks which is yours say ""I haven't decided yet"" while sobbing uncontrollably"

"Just accidentally deleted all my contacts. Best day ever."

"Tofu is over rated... It's just a curd to me."

"Chipotle is releasing a new ""Ravens"" burrito. It comes with everything but rice."

"My estranged father bought me a telescope for Christmas We're a lot closer now."

"Why are Asian women so excited about Tuesday? It's Erection Day."

"Guy gets wife roses. She says ""I guess this means you want me on my back w my legs in the air?"" He says, ""Why, we don't have a Vase?"

"Mom there's a boogie man in my closet! *mom looks and I'm standing there with an afro in a satin shirt and platform shoes"

"What is a burp? A fart taking the elevator."

"Do you know why scuba divers roll backwards off boats? Because if they rolled forward they would just go into the boat"