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Joke of the Day
"What did the racist Pillsbury Doughboy say? White Flower"
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"My girlfriend asked me to get her something that made her look sexy. I got drunk!"
"I can't believe I just found out R.E.M. split up. I suppose the rest of the band just weren't Michael's type."
"Dear Short guy at the gym who's really fucking jacked. I don't think your goal should be to grow wider, little buddy..."
"What do vegetables that go to college do on the weekends? They Turnip"
"Q: What did the tree say to the mountain? A: Stop peaking at me."
"How do you save a drowning mouse ? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !"
"What's the difference between Marcus Mariota and Floyd Mayweather? Best Duck Ever."
"bad news, you have cancer and Alzheimer's Doctor: ""It's bad news, you have cancer and Alzheimer's."" Patient: ""Oh well, it could be worse - at least I don't have cancer."""
"*grandma sobbing at my graduation* ""Your parents would have been so proud seeing you up there."" *wipes tear* ""But they didn't want to come."""