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Joke of the Day

"Question: What's better, Star Wars or Star Trek? Answer: Knowing what intimacy with another living human being feels like."

"What's a chemist's favourite porn fetish? Propanal"

"If you want to surrender, what do you do? Become french"

"Currently working on an app for lonely people called ""Words With Cats""."

"What's a pirate's favorite programming language? You might think it's R, but his first love has always been the C."

"Wife: Your life insurance premium paid up? Me: Yeah. Wife: Good. Me: Why? Wife: No reason. Me: ... Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: Here, taste this."

"*catches up to jogger while wearing the same outfit* good luck shaking the police off loser *sprints ahead while sirens can be heard*"

"""this has never happened before"" is that a yes or no? ""let me check"" [talks into radio] ""steve can we let a dog on the rollercoaster?"""

"Why did Sally drop her ice-cream cone? She got hit by a bus."

"I plan to scary-haunt anyone who says ""she wouldn't want us to be sad"" at my funeral. If you're not sad that I'm gone forever you deserve it"