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Joke of the Day

"RIP that guy in the audience of the eric clapton unplugged session whose head literally exploded when he realized the song was ""layla"""

"A voter from the 2000 election recognized me. He came up to me and said ""Hey, Chad, how's it hanging?"""

"i'm reading this thesaurus. it's really interesting, or should i say... very interesting."

"BEYONCE: do u like my album JAY: [thinking to self] if anyone hears this i'll be ruined JAY: [out loud] we should make it a tidal exclusive"

"Where's the most racist place to focus one's thoughts? Inward"

"Why would Helen Keller be a terrible driver? She's dead."

"There's a lot of talk surrounding the EU referendum at the moment. We've already heard from the boss' of JCB and Dyson; I'm just waiting to hear from Durex and their opinions on us pulling out."

"When you're feeling down just remember you are unique Just like everyone else"

"No one eats chocolate in tiny orgasmic bites like the women in the commercials. You shove it in your face hole as fast as you can, then cry."

"If you're behind someone at an ATM late night, let them know you're not a threat by giving them a gentle kiss on their neck."