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Joke of the Day

"I was in a band called Obese Bastards. What can I say. We went through a stage."

"Finally made it with a Chinese midget .. It didn't last Tu Long though"

"9 called to ask how much bleach it takes to get purple ink out of carpet and because she's so cute and at her dad's I went with all of it!"

"I murder drifters and use their hair to make little dolls. Oh, you meant at work! My biggest weakness is that I'm a perfectionist.'"

"4: Let's hunt turkeys, Daddy. Me: How do we do that? 4: Put up a big sign that says, ""Come here, Turkeys!"" I might be raising Elmer Fudd."

"Why do people from Istanbul always swim? Because they're constant in a pool."

"My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow"

"My girlfriend always wakes up with a huge smile on her face. Goddamnit, I love my Sharpie!"

"The girl that just walked by gave my dog a double take like she thought she might've gone to high school with him."

"Hey guys ,wanna hear a joke about a broken pencil? Ugh never mind that , it's pointless."