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Joke of the Day

"Oxycodone With my wisdom teeth gone, I was hoping of getting a bit of a high, but all it did was relieve pain. well that was a ""downer"""

"My Girlfriend broke up with me because I don't last long in bed... I told her if she ever changes her mind, all she has to do is phone and I'll come straight away."

"Drops empty vodka bottles in all the neighbor's recycling bins. So the garbage men don't think it's just me."

"A pirate goes to the doctor, worried the moles on his back are cancerous ""It's ok"" says the Doctor ""They're benign"" ""Count 'em again Doc"" says the pirate. ""I reckon there be at least ten"

"Fight club but just dueling neighbor's aggressively leaf blowing leaves onto each other's lawns."

"I hate it when I'm at someone's house and they keep asking stupid questions like... ""Who are you?"" and ""Is that a gun?"""

"When someone says ""We can still be friends"" after a break up it's like saying...""The dog died but can we still keep it?"""

"Son: ""Dad, can you give me 30 bucks?"" Dad: ""20 bucks? What the hell do you need 10 bucks for?!"""

"If your idea of a nightcap is passing out drunk on the toilet with a fifth in your hand, we could probably hang out."

"What do you call hot women in France? Tourists"