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Joke of the Day

"If you're Russian when you go into the bathroom, and Finnish when you come out; what are you while in the bathroom? European"

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"Why was the russian airforce less superior than their enemies? Cause their airplanes kept STALIN!! (Ill see myself out...)"
"Scientists say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons, but I think they forgot to mention the Morons."
"i sold all my lizards to buy my girlfriend a Toyota Tundra but she sold her drivers license to buy me a awesome obstacle course for lizards"
"How do you fit an elephant into a string bikini? You take the ""s"" out of ""sex"" and the ""f"" out of ""way."""
"Tequila! Vodka! Whiskey! I'm calling the shots."
"Grammar tip Farther = physical distance Further = metaphorical distance Father = emotional distance"
"In 7 seasons I've never seen a single motherfucker on Top Chef wash their hands."
"Have you seen the movie called ""Constipated??"" You probably haven't because it hasn't come out yet."
"We should be more thankful for our wounded veterans Our freedom cost them an arm and a leg"