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Joke of the Day

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? None, because feminists cant change anything."

"""Do you have anything with 3-5 pounds of rhinestones on the ass?"" Upper-middle class ladies shopping for jeans"

"Procrastination - Making a better today, tomorrow"

"PARTY GUEST: So, how did you two meet? HUSBAND: Oh, it's a bit of a fairytale, right darling? [wife is clearly a wolf in a dress] WIFE: Yes."

"A sheep, a drum, and a snake walk into a bar... Ba-dumm-tsss"

"I need to give my cat an abortion But every time I throw her down the stairs she just lands on her feet."

"[furniture store] Wife: We're putting in a bar. Salesman: OK Wife: And... S: Yes? W: Go ahead, say it. Me: WE'RE GONNA NEED A STOOL SAMPLE."

"How many prostitutes does it take to screw in a light bulb? I have no idea. I did hire four prostitutes once, but we did other stuff."

"Fun Fact: If you answer your phone, ""Christ speaking"", 70% of the callers will hang up on you. You're welcome."

"Hey guy's I'm the titanic I would like to nominate all of my passengers and crew to do the ALS ice bucket challenge, you have 24 hours!"