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Joke of the Day

"I used to work in a haunted pub... There was spirits everywhere."

"I come from a long line of people with convenient principles *helps an old lady cross the street because a girl is watching*"

"I called my ex a cow Animal control had to show up"

"How Jesus was named: Mary: Joseph, I'm having a baby. Joseph: JESUS CHRIST!"

"today I went for a run & a homeless guy was like WHAT ARE YOU RUNNING FROM & I was like EVERYTHING"

"Friends are a lot like trees... They fall down when hit multiple times with an axe"

"So two guys walk into a bar... and the third one ducks."

"Cop: FREEZE, DON'T MOVE!!! Me: *stops moving* Cop: GET DOWN ON THE GROUND Me:... Cop: NOW! Me:... Me:... Cop: for the love of god...unfreeze"

"I ate a big cheeseburger for lunch and my heart started going really fast, so I'm counting it as an hour at the gym."

"A man walks into a chemists ""Hi, I'd like some Viagra please"" asks the man. ""I'm sorry"" says the Pharmacist. ""You can't get that over the counter."" ""You can if you take enough."" replies the man."