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Joke of the Day

"This day in history. 1961. In Spain the fascist government of Generalissimo Francisco Franco declared equal rights for women and men. None."

"What did the Mexican gang member say when two large houses fell on him during an earthquake? Get off me, homes."

"Welcome to heaven, here is your harp. Welcome to hell, here is your accordion."

"Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don't get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case..."

"I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what's going on and there's a lot of sex and wine drinking."

"I've been wondering, If poison goes out of date and expires, does it become more or less deadly?"

"my floor was 5 years old, so i contacted someone to replace the old wood... I'm still waiting for a reply"

"What's the definition of suspicion? A nun doing press-ups in a cucumber field."

"A man only wearing saran wrap pants... Walks into his doctors office. The doctor says: ""Well, I can clearly see your nuts."""

"What's worse than one dead baby nailed to ten trees? One live baby nailed to ten trees."