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Joke of the Day

"You and I are like ass cheeks... we're still together after all the shit that's gone between us."

"How do you spell ""Pringles"" in Spanish? Pringles"

"I turned into a transformer last night... And boy are my arms tires"

"""Frosted Flakes aren't just good, GURLl! They're FABULOUS! (snap)"" - Antoine the Tiger, Tony's gay brother, auditioning for the role"

"Judging by the number of hats on the hanger... ...and the amount of shoes underneath, I am married to a three-headed spider."

"Start reading to your kids as early as possible. I start around 2:30 a.m."

"I'm gonna strap a snowblower on my roof and start driving south. When someone asks me what it is, that's where I'm gonna live."

"One of my friends went up to my Portuguese dad.... and asked ""You're Portuguese, right?"" He said ""No, I'm Portugoose. There's is only one of me"""

"How do secret agents complement a disguise? ""Hey James, that disguise is incogNEATo!"""

"My close friend lost much of his life savings due to his Galaxy S5 Fingerprint Scanner being hacked and when he told me the story it brought me to tears. I guess you could say it was pretty touching."