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Joke of the Day

"Psychic fellatio It'll blow your mind"

"What's a blind man doing on a boat? Waiting for a bus."

"Just took an acting class.... Now I'm qualified to be a soccer player"

"People always go, ""Why can't there ever be peace in the Middle East?"" We can't even get FIVE DENTISTS to agree on a toothpaste. That's why."

"i hate when you google stuff like 'insidious' it gives you the definition but when you google 'butt' it doesn't. define butt for me damn it"

"Ted Cruz is going to be in a movie Dummy Does Dallas"

"*Steals parking spot from guy backing in* Him:*middle finger* Me: [rolls down window] I SEE THAT YOU'RE NOT MARRIED. I ALSO AM NOT MARRIED"

"Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back"

"Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is ""I can tweet that"""

"Why did Sally the stripper stop dating the guitar player? He kept trying to tune her G string."