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Joke of the Day

"Say I'm a man after reading a line I scored a chick I brought her home I got her in my bed Then she said:"

"I want to be a pilot, but mostly so I'd have an excuse to tell passengers, ""Where we're going, we don't need roads."""

"[Seahawks locker room] Coach: okay if we want to win we will need to have a bigger number for the score! Wilson: well put! Well put!"

"If you watch 2016 backwards, it's a heartwarming story of how celebrities can come back to life just by trending on the Internet."

"Know who I really admire? Stephen Hawkins. He is confined to a wheelchair, cannot use his limbs or his voice... ...yet he carries on without making a song and dance about it."

"What changes faster than technology? Taylor Swifts boyfriend"

"""Jesus take the wheel!"" I shout, but Jesus decided to pop out of the sunroof firing a machine gun at our pursuers instead."

"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? ""How long have you been having this phantasy?"""

"Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture."

"got a fake ID w a picture of shrek on it. works everytime. bought ten shrek dvds w it just this morning. lady at the counter didnt say SHIT"