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Joke of the Day

"If a kid refuses to go to sleep during nap time... Is he guilty of resisting a rest?"

"Wine improves with age, I improve with wine."

"I didn't think it was funny when I first wrote this one... I gair aunty this is gonna be five steps removed from swishing nebraskan listerine on a gold claim. ...I was right."

"Why'd the hipster burn his mouth on his coffee? Because he drank it before it was cool."

"ME: want anything for breakfast? BOSS: just banana [struggling to hold office door shut] ANA: let me in! ME: sorry boss said to ban you"

"They advertise unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks. But I can personally attest that after 9 days Olive Garden asks you to leave."

"My resolution this year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos."

"A prisoner walks in to a bar Drunken repost of my favorite joke in the world"

"Me: Table for four, please. And can we get some crayons? Her: Will there be children dining today? Me: No. The crayons are for me."

"A pirate walks into a bar with his ship's steering wheel shoved down his pants. The bartender says, ""hey pirate that's got to be hard to walk with."" Pirate says, ""aye, it be driving me nuts."""