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Joke of the Day
"Wine improves with age, I improve with wine."
Next Joke
"He approaches me from behind and wraps his arms around me and I am breathless. With one firm and quick thrust, he dislodges my food."
"Did you hear about the man who had purple paint thrown all over him? He was violeted"
"What do you call it when a woman of the church goes on a secret mission? Nun of your business"
"What do you call a Jedi who worries about not making deadlines? Panickin' Skywalker."
"I'm not that great at origami... I cut corners."
"Women should be like a well placed rug You should be able to lay them then leave them"
"I Googled ""James Earl Jones"" to see whether or not he's alive and the Wikipedia link was purple from the other times I've done this."
"A kid asks his Dad ""what does 'gay' mean?"" The father says ""It means 'to be happy."" The son asks ""Are you gay?"" The father says ""No, son. I have a wife."""
"How to stop Facebook Live and Marketplace notifications: 1) Open Facebook app 2) Go to Settings 3) Throw your phone into a river"