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Joke of the Day

"ME: want anything for breakfast? BOSS: just banana [struggling to hold office door shut] ANA: let me in! ME: sorry boss said to ban you"

"I went up to this fat bird in the pub last night... ""You're a big lass, aren't you?"" I said. ""Tell me something I don't know,"" she replied with a tear in her eye. ""Salad tastes nice."""

"The death of Dumbledore helped me process the emotions I felt after losing my grandfather, who was also a well-respected homosexual wizard."

"What's brown and sticky? A Stick"

"Why are all italian men named Tony Because when God made them he stamped TO NY on their foreheads"

"My girlfriend found a spot between her boobs this morning, the doctor eased her worries telling her it was just her belly button."

"My resolution? To eat like a normal person, as opposed to my old habit of hate-fucking my mouth with a fork."

"If a blonde and a brunette jump off a bridge, who would hit the ground first? The brunette, the blonde would stop for directions!"

"What's the difference between a paycheck and a D**k? You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck."

"What is Justin Timberlake's favorite river in Russia? Crimea River"