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Joke of the Day

"Jesus Christ! I forgot to buy dog food last night and now my dogs are playing a Sarah McLachlan album and googling humane society."

"Why did the restaurant on the moon fail? They barely had any atmosphere."

"I tried saving a cat in a tree but the darn thing wouldn't accept Jesus."

"If you're the guard at a Samsung store ... Does that make you the guardian of the galaxy?"

"My cat is recovering from... a massive stroke."

"I may be middle-class, but I'm hard. *Al dente*, you might say. **Jimmy Carr**"

"I like my shits like I like my Slavs Squatting."

"What does a Mexican Morpheus say? Neo, you are the Juan ... I'll show myself the door..."

"We have to operate now if the cancer spreads anymore you won't be able to tell the difference between people & food ""Are you nuts?"" Dear God"

"Daddy, what's a transvestite? Ask mommy, he knows"