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Joke of the Day

"I hate when girls say, ""you probably say that to every girl."" don't you use the same resume when applying to different jobs?"

"My mom likes to play this game called ""yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can't hear her""."

"Where do pencils go for vacation? Pencil-vania."

"The internet is down at work. I took my top off and lit a campfire. Coyotes are near. I'll sacrifice Todd from HR. How do you hunt rabbit?"

"I get it short people, I get it. Oooops sorry typo, I'll get it short people, I'll get it."

"I got mugged in college by a gang of Asians. Two of them held me down and a third corrected my math homework before fleeing into the night."

"I Just got fired from the orange juice factory. They said I could not concentrate"

"*takes coffee from hot barista *makes eye contact *smiles *winks *sips scalding coffee ""Thankth, thexy! Theeya!"" *walks outside *screams"

"My girlfriend's dad asked me what I do... Apparently ""your daughter"" wasn't the right answer."

"It's Christmas and I'm alone (again), Reddit. Tell me something funny Well, I have my dog at least. Fire some shit away!"