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Joke of the Day

"A wife is like a hand grenade you take away the ring, and there goes your house"

"What did the Spanish boy leaving for the city say to his father? Ciudad!"

"I would totally surf a tsunami. If I didn't get nauseous on water. And if tsunamis weren't dangerous. And I knew how to surf."

"You all know how it got started with Jared right? He walked into a Subway and asked for a sub. They said ""6 or 12?"" He replied with ""doesn't matter."""

"WHY DID THE KOALA FALL OUT OF THE TREE? Because it was dead."

"Three nuns are walking down the street, when a streaker runs past them. The first one has a stroke The second one has a stroke And the third doesn't touch him."

"CASHIER: its declined ME: run it again C: sir, is this one of those fake credit cards they mail out ME: no C: your name is ""local resident""?"

"Shopkeeper: Stop! you can't smoke here. Me: But I bought the it from your shop. Shopkeeper: We also sell condoms but that doesn't mean.. but you don't use them here!"

"I almost wish the guy I'm stalking would find me and call the cops. These bushes are scratchy and my legs are cramping."

"How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb ? Apparently not four as my basement is still dark"