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Joke of the Day

"What did the quadruple amputee say when he couldn't solve the riddle? I'm stumped."

"I got thrown out of the zoo today.... apparently you're not allowed to feed the ducks..... to the alligators........"

"I went to a pet shop to buy a goldfish today... The worker asked if I'd like an aquarium, but I told him ""I don't care what starsign it is."""

"I was thinking about quitting ciggaretes But my mom always taught me not to be a quitter"

"My superpower is finding the one bathroom stall with no toilet paper."

"What's the most overused punchline on reddit? [removed]"

"IF SEAL IS BROKEN, PLEASE NOTIFY ZOOKEEPER IMMEDIATELY"

"Why don't you play Uno with a Mexican? Because they take all the green cards. (friend at work told me this gem)"

"I think semi-colons have gotten a bad rap. They should be re-branded as super-commas."

"[bar trivia night] and remember no using your phones unless it's an emergency me: [five minutes later] hello 911? are butterflies insects?"