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Joke of the Day

"The shortest distance between two points is always closed due to some bullshit construction that should've been finished a year ago."

"Husband to wife: ""I am impressed, you only talked to your friend on the phone for 20 minutes."" Wife: ""Oh, I dialed the wrong number"""

"How do you say, Richard and Robert raped the rabbit, with no R's Dick and Bob fucked a bunny."

"I think my neighbor is stalking me... I saw her googling my name through my telescope."

"A pack of coyotes shrieking at 3:12 AM is less unsettling if you instead imagine it's a bachelorette party that just got a limo upgrade."

"You know what a fat woman and a brick have in common? Both are laid by Mexicans."

"Honey, I just won the lottery! -- Honey, I just won the lottery! Pack some suitcases! -- That's fantastic! Should I pack summer or winter clothing? -- I don't care, but I want you gone by tomorrow!"

"Guess what... Chicken butt!"

"What do you call a conversation about weed? A diskushion."

"What does Idk stand for? Everyone I ask says they dont know"