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Joke of the Day

"If I call you cupcake it's because I'm probably going to put my vanilla frosting on your forehead"

"My mates called me stingy so I decided to buy them a beer. Turns out they wanted one each."

"Ever hear about the Mexican Train Killer? I heard he had locomotives."

"The doctor had to remove my fungal infection. It's a shame. It was really starting to grow on me."

"A woman was masturbating furiously on the subway The police were going to arrest her, but she got off."

"What do you call a competition between two assholes who like to masturbate A jerk off!"

"The Orthodontist wants to pull my daughter's 2 loose baby teeth & charge me $250. I bought the biggest bag of caramels I could find for $5."

"When you wish upon a star Makes no difference who you are It's a ball of gas and fire It can't hear you."

"Gotta get me one of those iPhone-credit-card holders so I can lose everything at once and be totally completely fucked forever."

"The other day I saw two squirrels making noises at each other as if they were arguing. You could say they were squarreling."