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Joke of the Day
"Q: What do the Republicans have that Bill Clinton wishes he had? A: A mandate to govern."
Next Joke
"I had a bukkake party last night. It was a disaster. Nobody came. Edit: Wow! While I was gone this really...exploded."
"I am a man with Alzheimer's, AMA! EDIT: Why is everyone asking me questions?"
"LGBTQ stands for... LGBTQ stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and I think... queer, which is strange."
"Went to dinner with a recovering alcoholic vegan who just quit smoking. Everything entering or leaving my mouth was offensive #WorstDateEver"
"Instagram is down! I'm freaking out! What are you people eating? How are your pets? What the hell is happening???"
"My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying."
"I heard Apple is designing a new automatic car. But they're having trouble installing windows."
"Divorce I consider myself pretty lucky in my divorce because we negotiated a 50-50 split of our assets. My wife got half, my lawyer got half."
"*makes graveyard even scarier by carving all the tombstones into shark fins*"